Accountex is a bit like Disneyland for finance professionals. For one, it’s insanely overstimulating, and it sounds pathetic when you tell your pals that you’re absolutely wrecked after the big accountant meet-up. Like Disneyland, it’s also full of people in costumes trying to get your attention. And finally, you’re never more than 50 metres from someone crying.
You might go with the intention of popping in, but you’ll leave with a tote bag around each limb and an armful of plastic gizmos you will rather guiltily throw in the bin before June.
So, in order to help you not make last year’s mistake, here’s a list of tips for next week’s Accountex.
🗺️ Fail to plan and plan to fail
ExCeL London is enormous. It can be seen from space, and it can hold 116 blue whales. Thankfully, Accountex only takes up a small part of it. So, if you find yourself watching a talk on grouting, you’ve probably wandered into The Stone & Surfaces Show – which is a real thing, and is on at the same time.
We recommend the western entrance at Custom House. This is the closest, and you should avoid all those stonemad weirdos pottering around.
So, you’re in the building now. Bet you thought we’d end it there, but we actually have some other tips. Mainly, that you should have a think about what you want to do. Consider doing the following, to stop yourself losing yourself in the crowd:
- Pick a few talks you actually want to attend.
- Identify stands you care about.
- Decide roughly how long you’re staying.
The last one is crucial. ExCeL London is like a casino – there’s no natural light, so you can cut about for a while, only to find it’s the dead of night as you leave. However, it’s likely you’ll be in for the long haul since, like gambling in a casino, accounting and accounting-related products and technologies are dangerously addictive.
🌱 Set your priorities
You’re going to pick up a lot during your time at Accountex. Like a rolling stone, you’ll gather strange little bits and bobs as you careen through the stands. Which is good – accountants love tangible assets.
A tip to the wise, though – the best freebie you can grab will be at the AccountingCPD stand (1210). We’ve been giving succulent plants away for years at Accountex, and they go quickly. They are, after all, the best things there, closely followed by property and machinery.
At the very least, a plant is more exciting than yet another stress ball, which is provided alongside an admittedly really good joke about how accountants especially need them, and admittedly you will still laugh a lot when you hear that for the fifteenth time that day.
However, it is okay to say no, and if someone tries to foist a branded football into your overburdened arms, you should explain that you’re waiting for the plant at stand 1210, thank you very much.
👟 Don’t wear heels
Sure, it’s Accountex, and you want to look glam, but you will probably walk a marathon during the day, so consider something a bit comfier. To add to the torture, exhibition centres have the same kind of flooring museums do – the kind that’s designed to shoot a pain right up to the base of your spine. If you have a bit of time, we suggest popping into The Stone & Surfaces Show to ask them about it.
You might think, "oh! It’d be great to be limping around from stand to stand before it’s even lunch”, but you actually don’t want that. That’s not what you want at all! You should dress like a hiker – although we would advise against the silly little ski poles they use.
🚇 Don’t get lost
You can sort of see half of ExCeL London at the very end of the opening credits to Eastenders – which is to say, it’s pretty far out. You might even be able to rent a one-bed from less than half your monthly pay.
The headline is: get the Elizabeth line. Don’t trust those rumours that it’s a rogue line piloted by disgruntled ex-employees, and that they go wherever they please along the already existing lines looking to commandeer other trains. It’s not that – it’s just a normal tube line. Please trust us.
And, if you’ve got time for dinner, hop on the Elizabeth Line, escape the labyrinth, and head into Soho or Shoreditch for decent food and a couple of shandies. Or go all out and head to Tottenham Court Road and see a West End show. That is if you can find something more entertaining than a DJ set from Tony Robinson, or something of similar vitality being put on by one of the major firms.
🍽️ Consider your stomach
You might well survive on the small bags of sweets you can pick up from stands, but if you fancy something more substantial, you might be disappointed. There will be food, but they’ll be a massive queue and it probably won’t blow you away.
Anyway, you’re in London, one of the food capitals of the world. Would it be awful to eat out – potentially for lunch and dinner? We think not, and the resale value on that branded pen you picked up will probably cover it and then some.
🤝 Chat, chat, chat!
This is one of the few occasions where you must throw caution to the wind, accept the inherent danger in talking to someone you don’t immediately recognise, and just chat. You’re going to have to ask people questions.
Even if they seem really boring, they might surprise you with some arcane knowledge. And, in turn, they might be impressed with your quick wit and forward-thinking mentality, and offer you a high-paying job on the spot.
At the very least, they almost definitely won’t respond angrily, telling you that they just want to be on their own – especially if they’re working at a stand.
🧠 Final thoughts
We can be a bit sarcastic about Accountex, but by Jove it’s the best we’ve got. There’s something really great having a Glastonbury for accountants, and even if it doesn’t have the music, it at least has nicer toilets and most of the people there don’t smell as bad.
You’ll leave with some innovative ideas, a few new contacts, and at least one thing you didn’t plan to carry home. And, if you’ve got there early enough, a small plant. 🌱
You need to sign in or register before you can add a contribution.